just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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