Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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