Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He shit in the fireplace
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
