There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
