I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
