dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
