You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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