i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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