If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Panties = found
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
