she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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