So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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