Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
