I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
