so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
