my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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