i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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