yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
