beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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