Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
