You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
