When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
