the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
