I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my liver is dry heaving
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
