I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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