Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
