No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
