Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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