What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
