Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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