Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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