question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
