I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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