I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
