I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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