just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
