your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
