Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
