Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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