you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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