he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
