I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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