I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
