College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
people are starting to question the shark bite story
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Shame - the story of my life.
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