Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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