soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
