My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
