Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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