careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
