i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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