As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
