Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
