Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
