Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
