Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
