i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
