i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
