I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
