The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
