I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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