she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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