How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
