Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
