my shit smells like andre
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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