i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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