and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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