i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
