Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
