just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
