It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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