i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
