no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All the doctor said was why
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
