I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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