all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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