Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
