Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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