i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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