The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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