Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
