It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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