After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
