I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize