Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
